Fight 'til your fists bleed, baby.

Sometimes it feels like its all a struggle…some days I feel like I went down the wrong path and life and am fighting to correct it. I had a great job that I really liked, it was certainly a challenge but it was fun and I loved it. Then the economy took a downturn along with my income and the kids were not getting a good education in school (another story in itself) so things got pretty stressful. I had a friend closer to home that had been running an IT services startup, and had been trying to recruit me for two years to be his first official employee. The pay seemed more stable than my other tech consulting/sales job in the music industry. So after much thought I moved my family and took the job. Very quickly however I realized this was a mistake, but it was too late…there was no going back. The startup was not even remotely in a financial position to make my wages and within three months I was out. WOW…also since I was considered a contract employee I was not eligible for unemployment, nothing, zero, zip…so here I was stuck up a creek without a paddle.

I spent the next few days going on lots of walks, thinking about what to do. The plan was to some day start my own business but I certainly was not ready now. Here I was stuck in a city I had lived only three months, with no savings, no funding, no income and no network to even meet customers. Needless to say I was stressed. So I decided, right then and there, I don’t need to chase anyone for a paycheck. I will generate my own income one way or another. So I started taking contract work from sites like onforce and started a production/design company with no knowledge of how to run one or how to get customers or anything. It was TOUGH, a massive struggle, especially when we were falling behind on our bills anyway. Every morning I would wake up and apply for jobs, then try and find customers and then contract tech work. Several times we had our power shut off, and were constantly behind on rent. My wife found a few temp jobs, then got a nice full time one..but the job market was not kind on either one of us. I thought for sure I would be kicked out of my house and my family would have to move in with my parents. It was devastating. I remember seeing work orders come through on onforce to fix TV’s, and I thought “I have no idea how to fix a TV, im a tech guy with a audio engineer/IT background” Then when things got bad I figured “Well if I am losing my house anyway, who cares if I break a TV its not like they can sue me, I don’t have any money” So I starting fixing TV’s, and you know what, it was EASY work. Then I started working on servers, and doing vonage installs and I could do them. I could do them all, once in a while I had a contract job that would really stump me, but I would struggle through it.  Customers started coming in and I started making websites for local businesses. I made some money from composing music and video production as well. I had applied for about two hundred jobs at this point, and gotten a few interviews but none of them offered enough money for me to be interested. By now I was almost making 40k from design and contract work, but the income was all over the map. I remember making $5000 one month and $500 the next. We bought groceries every few days in small amounts as we had money. Now 40k was not NEAR the kind of money I was accustomed to making and is certainly not enough to raise a family, but I am still proud of that number. Just imagine being dropped in a city where you know no one and have ZERO resources and go make a living. Try it, I dare you. Do it with a rent payment and a family to feed. It took years off my life, but it really changed my perspective about life and the system in general. During that time, I would start my day with a run to clear my head. It was REALLY nice to not have to be on someone else schedule as I had been my entire adult life. When I had spare time I would work on my hip-hop record “I am the soundtrack” and I was able to finish it, since I could do whatever I wanted. Money was tight most of the time, but was starting to get stable. Then I was offered a job with enough pay that I accepted, It was for a much more stable IT services firm. I was able to work for one of the most well verse systems admin I have ever met and learn A LOT. Eventually after a few years I was offered a job at a larger company for even more pay and I moved on to where I am now. Doing system admin work on a corporate network. Its a nice job, people are friendly, its low stress and the pay is decent. This all happened in about a four year period and over five hundred jobs applied for and probably fifty interviews but only a few offers that were enough money for me to consider as I don’t live in a tech center part of the country. I miss the music industry, I wish I lived somewhere with decent scenery. But my family survived. We never got kicked out of our house.….I survived, and sometimes thrived. I created an album I am proud of and then another. One day I will be self employed again, but it will be on my terms. Thats what my small startup the soundware company Peanut Butter Sound is about. Eventually I will do what I love full time. But I will make it a slow transition and only create products I really believe in. (With the first product coming out soon.) In the end I am just going to keep working, and keep moving forward. Often I wonder how different my life would be if I had never moved, never taking that first startup job and gotten laid off. Who knows honestly. But I know this, if I get fired tomorrow I could make money IMMEDIATELY. I can survive horrible storms with my own inner strength. So keep fighting, no matter what, no matter how hard or how long. You can improve your life. I may be a little (or alot) worse for wear, but I made it….some days I think that’s enough.   

“And the battle will never end well.

You can’t marry our heaven to your hell.

We, Prolific, and you, the Devourer, need to see

Some things are sacred, baby.

Why have you gone and trampled them lately?

I guess it’s just all a part of your way.

You should be ashamed.

I’m getting tired of fighting.

I guess I should ask, “Do I go quietly down?

Do I kick, do I scream when I’m bound?

Are you coming to open the door? Are you near?

Are you near? Is it far?”

Sixpence None the Richer “The Waiting room”