Maybe that's the real motivation to keep creating, to keep beating your head against the wall over and over. Is that the only way to stay sane? I don’t know, but it sure seems like it. Most of my creative friends literally can’t do anything else or they would be committed or dead. The outcome doesn’t matter, just the work. Just the next fix. For me its the next great song or even sound, its finding another artist as crazy as me to build something insane. But you all know that monster is right around the corner, hiding in the shadows.

How to cope with that during the down times? My theory is that the monster is the reason so many artist turn to mind altering chemicals. The art eventually despite all the struggle lights up the pleasure centers of the brain so when one can’t create many artists turn to addictive substances to get such pleasures. They would rather be dead then not creative so the trade off is worth it.

I'm not even sure what the monster really is. Maybe a fear of failure, or maybe fear of success? Maybe its knowing that death one day takes us all and there will be no more creating. If you feel you have a lot of art left in you then the monster feels like an hourglass, counting down your life as you procrastinate when you know better. But you procrastinate anyway. Where is the balance? When do you go into the world and socialize or get inspiration? Or do you lock yourself in a room until you get it all out? But as soon as you think you get it all out, then you only find there is more….so much more to say.

In some ways I feel like the next Drunk Pedestrians album will be the death of me. I'm certainly more proud of the work done so far then anything else I have ever made, but I have been calling it my horcrux as it feels like it is taking a part of my soul that I will never get back. I had intended the album to be very emotional as I needed to cope and work through a few issues in life, but I never knew how much it would destroy me. And when things get really crazy I feel the monsters, there in the corner ready to pounce if I stop, or maybe they will pounce if I keep going…..